


Smooth Sailing

by casual alien (creamsicleSteam)



Series: We Are the Kids You Never Loved [9]
Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: BANK HORSE BANK HORSE BANK HORSE, Fake AH Crew, Heist, entirely based on a vine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-03-18
Packaged: 2018-05-27 10:14:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6280513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creamsicleSteam/pseuds/casual%20alien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"This is Los Santos. We're all familiar, we all live here."</p><p>"What's a Los Santos?" Ray pipes up.</p><p>"Jackass. Anyway, Jack and I planned a heist. It's a six man job, and we're all gonna come out of it a hell of a lot richer. We all know the Maze bank, Right? Pretty much the only bank in this shithole."</p><p>There's a few mildly shocked faces before a chorus of yeses sound off.</p><p>"That's our target. This is our biggest heist yet boys!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Smooth Sailing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SunnyPrince](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunnyPrince/gifts).



> please pLEASE WATCH THIS VINE FIRST vine.co/v/eAv7WJd9W3L
> 
> a gift 4 u sunny, 4 our shared love of bank horse

"This is Los Santos. We're all familiar, we all live here." Geoff says, gesturing to the map on the table.

"What's a Los Santos?" Ray pipes up.

"Jackass. Anyway, Jack and I planned a heist. It's a six man job, and we're all gonna come out of it a hell of a lot richer. We all know the Maze bank, Right? Pretty much the only bank in this shithole."

There's a few mildly shocked faces before a chorus of yeses sound off. 

"That's our target. This is our biggest heist yet boys! Gavin, Michael," Geoff points "please don't make me regret putting you on vault duty."

"Yeah! Team Nice Dynamite!" Gavin and Michael high five each other. 

"Do make it _nice_ dynamite and don't go blowing up the cash." Geoff sighs.

"You got it, boss." Michael says.

"Jack is driving, as always, we all know she's the best driver." 

Jack nods in reply. 

"Ryan, you're in the air. Sniper duties. Please don't shoot any of us."

"Noted." Is his only reply. He'd say previous close calls weren't his fault but they really kind of were. 

"Ray, you're gonna be with me on crowd control." Ray had been doing fine until Geoff had said Ryan would be sniping, at that point he had gotten incredibly nervous and not at all happy with the implications of him being on the ground. 

"Uh, Geoff, I'm not sure if you know but am I not supposed to be the one on the roof?" Ray asks, clearly hesitant. In his year with the crew he's never been on the ground before, he's a strictly off the ground type of guy. Off the ground and far away.

"It'll be fine. I'm confident in your abilities, also, I don't trust Ryan not to shoot the hostages." 

"That was one time! It was an accident, I said I was sorry!" Ryan exclaims.

"Ryan, I don't think apologising to a corpse counts." Gavin says. Ryan huffs.

"We're gonna end up at Sandy Shores Airfield before we even think about coming back to the base. If we get separated, god knows we fucking will, we wait for everyone to meet up there and when the heat dies down we'll head back to the base. If someone," Geoff looks pointedly at Michael and Ryan, who give him innocent looks in return, "brings the heat with them to Sandy Shores, we'll go our separate ways again to lose it, and meet back up again at the base when everyone is sure their heat is gone.

“We’re gonna use stolen vehicles, so try not to bring heat with you to Sandy Shores, ‘cause we can just blow the cars there and make a break for it after. Michael, disposing of the cars is also your job.” 

“Boom.” Michael says. 

“There’s just one thing we need.” Ryan starts “Masks.” 

“Oh, he’s right.” Michael says.

“We’ll get masks.” Jack says. Geoff has no idea how masks will really fit into their plan, but he decides to humour Ryan anyway.

“Right. Any questions? Good. Now get out of my face.” Geoff dismisses them.

 

Two weeks later, the morning of the heist and when everyone knows the plan, they’re all on the way to their respective positions. Ray is nervous as all hell, thinking this can only go badly.

Geoff and Ray stand outside of the bank appearing to be having a little chat about the weather, probably. Michael and Gavin stand a little further down, also appearing to be making small talk. 

“Everyone in position?” Geoff asks through the comms.

Everyone gives their affirmatives. 

“Alright then, let’s heist.”

Geoff and Ray walk in first, appearing to go stand in line. There are a lot more people in the bank than Ray was expecting.

Michael and Gavin walk in next, unmasked and appearing very casual. 

“There’s too many people in this bank.” Ray hisses to Geoff.

“Then distract them.” Geoff whispers back.

“Okay.” Ray says. He makes a loud distinct pbbbbt sound with his mouth. “Look everyone, a horse!” 

“ _A horse_ ” Geoff says, exasperation clear in his voice.

“I panicked!” Ray replies. Despite this, Michael and Gavin have taken it as their cue, masks now on and guns raised, firing warning shots into the ceiling.

Geoff and Ray also take the civilians’ panic as their moment to mask themselves and take out their own guns.

“Everyone stay cool, this is a robbery!” Geoff shouts. 

Ray only follows Geoff’s lead, pointing his guns at civilians. Geoff barks orders for everyone to get down and stay down. 

“Working on the vault now, bossman.” Michael’s voice comes through the comms. 

“Police, ETA five minutes. You got this boys?” Jack asks. 

“I’m ready.” Ryan says. 

“Things are going well here, despite the faulty start.” Geoff says.

“Vault’s breached. Michael and I are bagging the cash now.” Gavin says. 

“Dude, we are gonna be fucking set for _years_ , man!” Michael’s excitement is contagious.

“Perfect, keep it up guys, we’ll be out of here in no time.” 

Everything went smoothly for the next few minutes, no hero moves from the civilians, no early cops, and no fuck ups from Gavin or Michael, or Ryan, for that matter. 

“We got cops coming.” Ryan warns. 

“Everyone ready to bail?” Geoff asks, after everyone confirms he gives the order to get the hell out of dodge. 

 

When everyone gets outside, it’s chaos. It’s a massive fire fight between the Fake and the cops. Luckily, they don’t seem to have caught onto Ryan’s presence on the roof yet. 

They just have to make it to Jack. They’ll be fine, they can do this. 

Then Gavin throws a grenade, and alright, kid’s got well enough aim, he didn’t hit the cars they were hiding behind and he did give them a good opportunity to leg it to Jack. 

They make it out in good time, Ryan on his own motorcycle and everyone else in the SUV with Jack. 

It’s all cheering and yelling in the car with Jack, leaning out the windows and shooting at the cops chasing them before they finally loose them. 

“Ryan, have you lost the cops?” Geoff asks through the comms.

“Didn’t have any to begin with, I don’t think they ever noticed me.” He replies. 

And everything’s great, perfect even. It’s only when they’re on the way to Sandy Shores does anyone notice anything amiss. 

“Hey, Geoff, where’s Gavin?” Jack asks. Everyone shuts up immediately and looks around in the car, as if he’d be hiding under a seat.

“Uh…” Is Geoff’s eloquent reply. It is this moment that Geoff’s phone rings. 

“It’s Gavin. I should- I should take this.” Geoff says.

“No fucking shit.” Jack replies.

“Hello,” Geoff says cautiously. 

“You forgot me!” Geoff pulls the phone away from his ear, letting Gavin yell at him for a moment, then putting him on speaker for everyone to hear. 

“Are you okay? Did you lose the cops? Where are you? We’ll come get you,” Geoff says all in a rush. 

“Don’t bother, you lot took them all with you when you made your grand escape. I’ve got a bike, I’ll meet you back at the base after.” Gavin huffs. “My comm fell out somewhere back near the bank, I think. Broken anyway, dumb thing.” 

“I’m sorry, everything was happening so fast I thought you were in the car with us.” Geoff apologises.

“I’m impressed he got away with that bag of cash on him, you know he’s got half of it, right?” Michael says from the back seat. 

“You what?” Geoff exclaims, voice cracking halfway through. 

“Well, obviously.” Gavin says. “I was on the vault with Michael, wasn’t I? It’s fine, I didn’t lose any of it. I’m on my way back to the base now.”

“And you’re _sure_ you lost the cops?” Geoff asks. 

“Geoffrey. I’m sure. There are no cops in sight. I’ll hold off on going right to the base if it makes you feel any better.” Geoff sighs, accepting that it’s probably fine, apologising one last time before hanging up. 

“Well, it went pretty good, all things considered.” Ray says.

“Says you! A horse, really?” Michael bursts out laughing. “I can’t believe it actually worked too! Literally everyone was like ‘Huh?’ like fucking dumbasses!” Everyone is laughing at this point, having seen it or heard it over the comms. 

“At least it did work.” Ray says, sulkily. 

When everyone gathers together that night to count the money and divide their shares, it’s a big celebration. Even the b-team shows up to join the festivities. 

“The total is…” Geoff starts, trailing off for the dramatic effect, “Nine point two hundred thousand!” 

Everyone cheers, yelling and jumping abounds. Michael regales the b-team with the story of Ray’s amazing distraction. They laugh and celebrate well into the night, ordering pizza and drinking totally legal beverages. 

Their biggest heist yet, and successfully done. None of them could’ve been happier than they were that night, the rush of it all, knowing the risks and doing it anyway, everyone getting back safe and sound and celebrating the night away.

**Author's Note:**

> i halfassed the end im sorry i didn't know what to do pls feel free to concrit on anything i dont have a beta either and its been a while i finally got internet back after running out of data


End file.
